burningblossoms | Recolle Inbox

You lied to me when you said you had no memories of me.
Why?

[At least she's prepared...]

I didn't lie to you, Naoto.

Yu told me what happened.

I didn't realize it was a secret. :(

Do you expect me to believe that?
I've taken every pain to present as male. The only people who know either knew me beforehand or found out... accidentally.
And you're just telling me you didn't notice? More to the point, you didn't realize I was intentionally altering my perceived appearance? Preposterous.

You must have had a memory regarding it. It's the only logical sense.

It's not, and I do.

Naoto.

You don't have an Adam's Apple, and your voice sounds feminine to me.
I had no idea that you were presenting yourself as anything other than yourself.
I just thought you liked dressing like you do.
Yu explained to me that you wanted it to be kept a secret, so I promise that I will.

I don't understand why you are doing what you are doing, but I don't have to understand. It's not my place to question you, or anything that you choose to do, only to respect your wishes.

I am not lying to you, and I would not lie to you. I have not had a memory about you yet. I want to. I want to understand you better, because you're someone I think of as a friend, but I don't remember anything about you yet.

So you're expecting me to believe that you're simultaneously observant enough to notice when nobody else has, yet not observant enough to realize that it's intentional?

Why should I believe anything you're telling me at this point?

I'm telling you I don't understand people very well.

Why should it occur to me to think of you as anything other than what I see, Naoto?
You are you, and I have no idea why you'd do that. Can you give me a logical reason why I should realize it was intentional, when I have no experience with that sort of thing?

And you should believe me because I'm telling the truth.

Perhaps you should have realized that you never see me using the women's restroom at school?
Either you're lying or you're incredibly insensitive.
And I have no reason to assume you're telling the truth about anything now.
My identity is my own and it's for a reason.

[Jesus, way to make her cry, Naoto.]

If I may be blunt?
I don't pay attention to who comes and goes from restrooms.
Just as I've never questioned your identity.
You are who you are, and if you want to be male, then I'll refer to you as male from now on.

I am probably being insensitive and I sincerely beg your forgiveness. I have no experience with anything like this, and all I ask that you give me an opportunity to learn. Clearly I need to, if I have offended you in any way.

I also ask that you not accuse me of lying. I would not lie to you, I have no reason to do so, and your gender has no bearing on that whatsoever.

I
It's not that

[She deletes and tries again]

I do not "want" to be male. But I do "want"
the world to perceive me as such. The reasons are mine alone.

Would you want people walking around casually telling others your secrets?
I don't think I'm being that unreasonable.

I don't want or need to know your reasons, Naoto. I haven't asked, because it is not my place to do anything but support you. That's what I want.

And Yu told me how I told him. At his party I referred to you as She. It was an accident, and I swear it will not happen again, all the more so now that I know. You aren't being unreasonable in asking me to keep your secret.

I don't want to lose what connection we have. Is it unreasonable for me to request the chance to do right by you?

Edited 2017-06-01 23:51 (UTC)

Hm. I see.

[That makes her feel a little better, she supposes?]

I suppose it's not unreasonable to want a second chance.
I'll likely give it.
But I need a few days. Whatever your actions or intentions, this felt like a betrayal.

That's up to you.

Contact me when you feel ready to talk again.

Please take care of yourself, Naoto.

[And she won't respond again unless asked a direct question.]

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