burningblossoms | Recolle Inbox

If you don't mind the turkeys and golden early Easter eggs.

[ Despite that, it is normal. Even with the changes to their city, it's weird... That this is their new level of normal, that anything that lets them live peacefully is normal despite their circumstances.

He wonders when this will all end. ]

I've noticed that, too... It sounds like our holidays in the next month may be in danger.

[ Though they'll be wrong because rl... ]

I'm worried it may be related to not being able to contact anyone outside of the city.

You too?

[Not the pattern, but more the worry.]

That's disturbing to say the least. I was actually trying to order some stuff off the internet for a project and the emails keep bouncing back.

Do you think it's going to continue? Or do you think maybe it'll go back to the way it was at the end of the month like things often seem to.

I want to be optimistic and hope that Retrospec will be fixing our connection to the outside world.

[ As unsettling as that may sound. ]

It would be in everyone's best interests—if not for us, then for resources.

Even if they can bring in whatever they want?

[Clearly, since they can make these old things appear out of thin air.]

If that's the case, they should keep us "seeds" happy or else we'll burn Recolle down.

[ once upon a time i played the character that was against burning anything down, but here we are. Akira seems rather confident... The worry he had earlier is now just an inkling in the distance. ]

I think I've made a mistake

Oh? How so?

Do you know Ayano Tateyama

I do not.

What happened, Naoto?

She is a young woman who I've been growing close to
I helped her several times. We were becoming friends

She developed feelings for me

Right, okay.

Is that bad?
Do you not reciprocate, is that it?

She was under the impression I was male.

I did not want to hurt her. So I told her the truth

I think that made it worse

[Oh. Christ. Naoto, what the hell.]

Did she not know from the start?

I know you hide your gender, but do you from friends?

How badly did she take it?

From everyone, unless I have a reason to tell them
She did not know until just now

She took it very badly
she thinks I was intentionally deceiving her this whole time
I dont know what to do

Not to put too fine a point on it, but you were deceiving her intentionally, just not for the ends that she thought.

The first thing that you need to do is apologize. Make it clear that you do understand that you did deceive her, but that you did not do it because of anything related to romance.

If she won't speak to you, then perhaps write her a letter. You can be quite eloquent and you can make changes to what you're saying as you say it rather than blurting things out when you are emotionally compromised.

Make it clear too, that you want to stay friends. But you have to own up to the fact that you did deceive her too.

I tried apologizing

I tried explaining why

It wasnt that I was trying to lie to her but
I just barely tell anyone this
The more people you tell a secret the less secret it is so I dont tell anyone unless I have to

I dont know what to say to her to make it better

Why do you keep it a secret? In all seriousness, when you got angry with me for realizing it, I didn't understand why. I still don't, I just haven't questioned it before, out of respect for your wishes. But it's clearly hurting people. This girl, especially.

Maybe she was overwrought when you explained it, and that is something I can understand. Give her a little time, and send the letter.

I won't beat around the bush, she has every right to never speak to you again, and there may not be anything you can say to get her to forgive you. I hate to be bleak, but you need to understand that is a possible outcome, too.

I'm not ready to let other people know.
I can't tell the world

It wasn't like I was keeping it a secret just from her
I told her as soon as I realized I needed to

That isn't good enough, Naoto.
Why are you so bothered by your gender?

Lying to one person or lying to the entire world, it doesn't make any difference, it's still a lie.

Since you asked for my advice, based on everything you've told me, the best advice I really have is to accept yourself before you start trying to patch things up with this girl. Because if you don't, it'll just happen again.

I don't see how that's anyone's business but mine.

[There's a bit of a few minutes' pause before she sends the next message.]

That was probably overly harsh, I apologize.
It is, however... very personal to me. I can't just change that.

Any more than you can fundamentally change who you are.

[And that response is borderline offensive to Yukiko and just highlights the problem even more.]

Personal or not, you came to me.

I don't take offense but you being overly harsh and secretive of this is why you are having this difficulty. You seem to forget that I don't know why you're doing it or why you are so protective of it. You have never told me why, but that's your right.

I will be brutally honest here: my advice is to stop hiding your true self. And I don't just mean gender. I mean be who you are.

If you feel that you are a boy, then you are? People will accept that you are transitioning. But if you feel you are a girl then be a girl. You don't have to wear dresses and makeup and conform to a stereotype. If you're nonbinary or something that's fine too.

But if you want to have friendships like Ayano, or have acquaintances like me, you absolutely need to be willing to share. Or people will feel like you're lying to them or looking down on them.

I don't know what my true self is.

That's not an exaggeration, I don't think.
I have my reasons for doing this here. My other self... I think they did it, too.
But then they changed at some point? Perhaps?

I moved out of the suburbs so that I could reinvent myself like this.
Not wanting to divulge the secret to everyone I meet isn't the same as lying to everyone.

That doesn't mean it won't be taken as such by someone that knows you well.

Or thinks they do.

Naoto, you need to open up to people if you want them to stand with you as anything with more meaning than just someone passing through your life.

And that goes double for someone who you enjoy talking to.

I have, haven't I? I told the others. I told her the moment I realized I needed to.

But I can't just trust everyone I meet, everyone I speak to. Don't I need to learn someone and feel that I can trust them before I tell them my most guarded secrets?

You told the group bits of it because you had to, but you came at me with more than a little hostility before you explained anything and left me wondering if you hated me for a month.

Naoto, I'm sorry that you're in this situation, but there isn't a quick fix for this. If you like her company and want her to trust you then you have to show the same trust. Trust obviously goes both ways, and if she's showed her vulnerable side to you then it's probably worth doing the same to her.

I'm not saying shout it to the rooftops that you're a girl if it's that important that you appear to be a boy, but open up about it with the people you care about before it becomes absolutely necessary. If you wait till then, it is going to seem like a betrayal of trust because they never really knew you at all, and like you're only trying to save yourself potential embarrassment. That's showing them your true self, and if you want to make and keep close friends, you have to do that.

The only possible fix is time, and you have to ask her to forgive you. And hope that she does.

Recolle Inbox

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

text, 12/1

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject